Our third was unplanned. Our timeline of properly-spaced out pregnancies had been changed. We made a video of Shauna finding out she was pregnant, and looked forward to joking with our child about how unexpected this was.
Test results back. Turner Syndrome, which meant our third would be a girl, although the test we used had a high rate of false positives because it’s done early in the pregnancy. Further testing showed our third wouldn’t make it into this world at all. “No heartbeat,” Shauna was told in a moment that will be one beyond my comprehension. “However sad you are, it’ 100 times worse for her,” a friend who has been through this told me.
There’s a certain stigma attached to miscarriages. Researched showed us it was common. There are probably a bunch of our friends who went through it without telling us. Like mental illness, it’s a subject you’re not supposed to talk openly about. Maybe because death is uncomfortable. What can you say to a friend who lost a pregnancy? Words fail, although some thoughtful friends sent flowers.
“It’s OK to be sad, just don’t start drinking,” is what I tell my clients. Men especially avoid processing trauma, and the truth is we can’t afford to sit around on a couch talking about our childhood. We must move forward, but not yet. Today I’m sitting in a room following my own advice. It’s OK to feel sad, at least for a little while….
There was an obituary that a political reporter posted about her father, and I was going to quote it here because it moved me in ways writing rarely does, and it made me want to be a better father. I now see she deleted it. Writing about others, even taking shots at powerful people who may make your life difficult, is a rush. Writing about your own life requires you to rip open your own wounds and then be called “self-indulgent” by the mob. The crowd wants you to fight other people. Put on a show. No one wants to see the struggle you face internally, because that may shine a mirror on their own vulnerabilities. What might they find if they looked away from the spectacle and focused within….
“Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body,” is a quote from Elizabeth Stone you roll your eyes at before you have your first child. Oh come on, there are billions of us alive today, and over 50 billion people have lived. There is no miracle of child birth, it can’t feel like that. I believed every word of that rebuttal. Then it happened to me.
Life happens to everyone, and it’s a miracle when you experience it. Death happens to everyone, and that makes it no less of a tragedy when you feel it.
Loss has a way of bringing focus. I was concerned about the stresses a third would bring, and began doing calculations on how we would handle the additional workload. Cyra is older and headstrong. Would Rumi feel like a neglected middle child, as she’d be 20 months when the third (we hadn’t decided on a name) arrived? With Shauna’s parents nearby, we’ve had all of the benefits of parenthood without the usual downsides of struggling to find childcare. A third would have been a lot of work. My international trips would be delayed. Some projects would be moved around for lack of time. “Two kids in diapers, what a mess,” is where my mind was. Such petty, trivial, selfish nonsense. That’s how it feels now.
I’m sitting here wishing we had received this incredible gift of chaos.
Will Mushrooms Save Humanity?
Are “magic mushrooms” for filthy hippies who have checked out of life, or is there more to the story? Fantastic Fungi suggests the answer is yes in a wide-ranging documentary on psilocybin.
Loaded with mainstream, normie voices like Michael Pollan (as opposed to say Eckhart Tolle), Fantastic Fungi succeeds as a documentary for skeptics.
All plant medicine faces intense discrimination and bias, with claims ranging that medicine like psilocybin and ayahuasca are “demonic” or will “send you on a bad trip,” despite a lack of scientific evidence that supervised, responsible use of plant medicine has few downsides and updates that include
- advanced creativity
- freedom from alcoholism and opioid addiction
- higher ability to empathize with others and love more
Microdosing psilocybin has been used by names you’d recognize yet never expect, and indeed many people are shocked to learn that I have a decade-long experience with 5-MeO-DMT, ayahuasca, and psilocybin.
The stereotype of course is that people use plant medicine to check out of reality, when in fact the proper use of psilocybin enhances your ability to experience reality.
People wrongly believe that using plant medicine puts your physical body on a spiritual journey, inverting the truth, which is that your spiritual body in on a journey in your physical one.
We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” – Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
Fantastic Fungi will be enjoyable watch whether you are experienced in these matters or remain a skeptic. To those who are skeptical, grab a cup of coffee or beer (totally not drugs unlike the stuff other people use) and learn about the magic underneath your feet and within your heart.
You can watch Fantastic Fungi here on iTunes.
Bill Clinton on Jeffrey Epstein Island, Victim Claims
Former President Bill Clinton was seen with two women on Jeffrey Epstein’s “pedophile island,” according to Virgina Roberts.
The relevant except says:
When you say you you asked him why is Bill Clinton here, where was here?
Roberts: On the island.
JS: When you were present with Jeffrey Epstein and Bill Clinton on the island, who else was there?
Roberts: Ghislaine, Emmy, and there was two young girls that I could identify. I never really knew them well anyways. It was just 2 girls from New York.
JS: And were all of you staying at Jeffrey’s house on the island including Bill Clinton?
Roberts: That’s correct.
He had about 4 or 5 different villas on his island separate from the main house, and we all stayed in the villas.
JS: Were sexual orgies a regular occurrences at the island of Jeffrey’s house? Roberts: Yes.
You can read the document implicating Bill Clinton with Jeffrey Epstein here: pic.twitter.com/5igNwmjM4y
— Epstein Files Unsealed by Cernovich (@Cernovich) July 31, 2020
Bill Clinton is directly implicated by an eyewitness in the Jeffrey Epstein sex trafficking ring.
Six references to Bill Clinton in Virginia Roberts' chat with her lawyers on April 7, 2011:
Asked about Epstein boasting "Bill Clinton owes me favors," Giuffe said:
"Yes. I do. It was a laugh though. He would laugh it off… I didn't know if he was serious. It was just a joke." pic.twitter.com/InugMgHOz5
— Adam Klasfeld (@KlasfeldReports) July 31, 2020
Jim Jordan Sells Out Conservatives to Big Tech (Read the Confidential Memo in Full)
Labelled “Confidential,” the Jim Jordan Memo is something you’re not supposed to see.
Cernovich Media has obtained this Memo and is posted it in full.
Read the Jim Jordan Antitrust Memo here:
Highlights of Jim Jordan’s Antitrust Memo
- The Memo gives Republican talking points needed to defend Google, Apple, Amazon, and Facebook.
- The Jim Jordan Memo is clear. Zero antitrust action against Apple, Google, or Amazon will be supported by the GOP, and the memo is loaded with talking points defending Big Tech’s monopoly power.
- “Even if this hearing suggests that Google, Amazon, Apple, or Facebook have acted unlawfully, that would not necessarily mean underlying antitrust law needs an overhaul.”
Watch my Video Report of the Jim Jordan Antitrust Memo here:
I obtained the GOP’s confidential antitrust memo for tomorrow’s hearing. It’s a direct betrayal of conservatives. https://t.co/i3S5VfSW66
— Reclaiming My Time Cernovich (@Cernovich) July 29, 2020